A love so miserable

1. A relationship without commitment.

Exhausted, she came after work, lied down and drifted in her thoughts, a smile found her. When would the time arrive when she will come home to him, take her into his arms and melt the tiredness of the day. 

'Tomorrow' she said to herself 'I will see him tomorrow'. With that assurance she went to freshen up waiting for call to arrive. By the time she came out, she checked her phone to see if he had called. He did. She hurried to the next room away from her parents. She called back. It was busy. Her heart was heavy to have missed the call. She lied on the bed in the dark waiting for a call back. She waited. She messaged 'Your phone is busy'. She drifted to sleep for sometime. The phone buzzed. She hurriedly checked. 'I will call you'. She knew she can go back to read as it will take time for the phone to ring again.

'Why can't he spare 5 mins for me when I can wait 30 mins for his call?', 'why do I wait for his time when everyone else waits for my time',' why is he distancing when I feel I am putting in effort to get closer?', 'why is he ready to leave me the instance he sees imperfection in me?', 'why do I feel the pressure to be perfect all the time?','why am I so desperate for him?', 'God sakes it's my birthday tomorrow, I can't cry over a guy', ' why are you going away?', ' what's keeping you from loving me?', ' Is my love not enough?','do i not care for you?', ' can you live without me?' , ' will you miss me if i leave?', ' will you come back to me if I leave?'

This fear of him leaving her keeps her from giving in completely because she is afraid. Afraid that he will leave her despite her loving him immensely. Her dreams of marrying him, calling him husband, thinking of him when her friends show her their honeymoon pictures. Will he allow them to come true?

This fear of him leaving makes her put in more effort because she is afraid. Afraid that he will leave her otherwise. The distance between them will increase. She will regret of not putting in effort for their 'happily ever after', of giving up due to ego issue.

And the phone rings.

To be continued...